November 26, 1990 (my birthday!) (top of column) WELL, AS W.C. Fields said, "Start the day with a laugh and get it over with." The only snicker at hand is an ad for California Cryobank Inc. on Addison St. in Berkeley, which features a sperm bank offering "Frozen 'Quarantined' Se- men for Donor Insemination. Over 150 Donors. Local Delivery Available." Warns Dr. Flash Gor- don, who sent me the ad: "Don't get their phone number mixed up with Domino's." * * * December 4, 1992 (end of column) . . . Dr Flash Gor- don, hanging out at the terrific Booksmith bookstore on Haight Wed. night, asked "did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?" "you mean the one who sold his soul to San- ta?" I replied. "you're no fun at all," said Flash, disappearing in a flash into the rain. Have a good weekend, doing whoever where- er. Whatever. * * * November 22, 1994 (first paragraph) Dr. Flash Gordon flashes: "can't prove it, but I hear that the Florida Citrus Commission has offered to pay O.J.'s legal fees if he'll change his first name to "Snapple" . . . * * * (right after the Panama invasion) . . . All through the long weekend, Dr. Flash Gordon, bodacious punster, couldn't resist singing "Have yourself a Merry Little Isthmus!" Enough to drive you crazy . . . * * * October 26, 1987 End of column . . . WONDERFUL: Dr. Flash Gordon of the Haigh-Ashbury Free MEd Clinic got a com- puter program called "Managing your Mon- ey" to help him organize a budget and discov- ered it contains a "Quote of the Day." On the morning after last wk's big crash, it quoted Fred Schwed's "Your average Wall Streeter, faced with nothing profitable to do, does nothing for only a brief time. Then, suddenly and hysterically, he does something which turns out to be extremely unprofitable. He is not a lazy man." Too bad, that. * * * Sept. 11, 1986 (top of column) DR. FLASH GORDON of the Haight-Ash- bury Med Clinic forwards the fancy brochure for yet another phone "service" -- this one called Yellow Phone, with the title registered and everything. After four pages of the usual bull, we get to an example of how the thing works. Ready: "Dial 415-765-4322. Spell the first keyword (on your phone), e.g. P-I-Z-Z-A. Then spell the second keyword, e.g. D-E-L-I-V-E-R-Y. Then spell the city of your zip, e.g. S-F or ---. Listen to the listings and select one by pressing 2 on your telephone. You will be connected to that establishment." OK, go ahead. Dial P-I-Z-Z-A. Well? What are you waiting for? [NOTE: when i sent this to Herb, phones didn't have the letter "Z"]

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